


When Alfred goes away everything goes to hell

by RRTimDrake



Series: This is what happens when I write at 3:00am [4]
Category: Batman (Comics)
Genre: Alfred come collect your vigilante children please, Bless Duke, Bruce Wayne is So Done, Damian is a brat, Dick Grayson is having an existential crisis, Duke is an angel, Gen, Red Robin (the restaurant) has become a target of the Wayne’s, The Wayne household is falling apart, Tim Drake is Sleep Deprived, Tim Drake is having a rough time, as always, he’s barely in this but bless him, i honestly don’t know how to tag this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-16
Updated: 2020-11-16
Packaged: 2021-03-09 23:47:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,216
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27594331
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RRTimDrake/pseuds/RRTimDrake
Summary: Alfred went to London. He’s going to be away for one month. Just one.Dick can keep his family under control for one month right? Right?Turns out the answer is no, no he cannot.
Relationships: No Romantic Relationship(s)
Series: This is what happens when I write at 3:00am [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1826566
Comments: 5
Kudos: 59





	When Alfred goes away everything goes to hell

**Author's Note:**

> A random thing I found in my notes.

Alfred went to London and the Wayne family was falling apart. They only had to go a month without Alfred. You would think that would be simple but Dick soon learned without Alfie nothing is simple.

Jason already agreed that he would cook. Jason said he was only agreeing to cook because no one else in that house hold could cook if their live depended on it. Which is mostly true, but Dick likes to think it’s because Jason enjoys cooking, for himself or for the family.

Another problem: no one wanted to do the dishes. Dick was frustrated and mad and was about to say that he would just do this dishes when Duke stood up and said he would do them. Dick didn’t protest, he hates doing the dishes so he’s glad he isn’t the one doing them.

Next problem: laundry. Now this one Dick could do on his own. He’s an adult, he doesn’t stay at the Manor full time. He has an apartment and he knows how to do laundry. So he took up the chore for himself.

And when Dick thought there couldn’t be anymore problems there were. Tim hadn’t slept in awhile and honestly Tim looked like he was about to pass out from exhaustion. Dick knew of this bad habit of Tim’s but he’s never seen it get this bad. Usually Alfred would step in and take care of everything, but Alfred is not here.

Therefore, problem. Dick really didn’t want to drug the kid. Especially since he was so close to passing out from not sleeping, so Dick dragged Tim to his room. Dick thought it would be harder but Tim just slumped in his arms and allowed Dick to bring him to his room. He was both thankful and concerned for the action. 

Eventually Dick got Tim upstairs to his room and got him tucked under his covers. Tim was asleep faster than a speedster could ruin a timeline. Dick smiled to himself, glad that he was able to get Tim to sleep some. 

He was convinced that would be the last problem, but alas it was not. Damian got mad that Jason wouldn’t make vegetarian meals. Some knives were thrown and Jason officially quite cooking for the family. Which was not good by any means. No one else in the family can cook, and the last time Bruce tried he somehow blew up the refrigerator. They still don’t know how he did that. 

However they had a problem on their hands. They all have to eat good nutritional meals for them to be able to do the things they do. Their body needs a certain amount of calories and energy to run properly without making them feel groggy all the time. So, they couldn’t just eat snacks that wouldn’t do anything for them other than cure their hunger for awhile.

Dick was really running thin. Between trying to keep his siblings from killing other, doing the laundry, stepping up to help Bruce whenever he could, making sure Tim slept, and that the house didn’t go to complete insanity turned out to be a difficult task. To add on to that he also has to deal with finding out how they’re going to eat.

He could call Alfred and ask for help but Dick really didn’t want to bother the man. So he didn’t. That’s when it hit him. 

His siblings were bickering like they always would because they are siblings. And Tim just so happened to be the target they all decided to pick on. It started because there was an add for Red Robin and everyone looked at Tim and said “yummmm”. Of course they didn’t stop there. They continued to annoy the kid about his name. 

Dick wouldn’t lie, it was sorta funny and undeniably cute when Tim huffed annoyed of their comments. But that’s not what is important, what is important is that Dick finally figured it out.

They can eat out.

And since everyone seemed so keen on the idea of the restaurant Red Robin, they might as well eat there. Dick was pretty sure everyone would agree to eat at Red Robin—other than Tim but he can get over it.

The plan was set in place. There was no way this could go wrong.

~~~~

Everything went wrong. It all went wrong so fast Dick wasn’t even able to comprehend what was happening. He managed to drag everyone (including Bruce) out of the manor and to the restaurant. It was all going well, until it wasnt.

Dick just had to use the bathroom, that. Is. All. Yet somehow in the three minutes he was gone everything went downhill.

Jason was standing on a booth holding Tim up higher chanting “he is the chosen one!” Steph took ketchup and smeared it onto Tim’s forehead. Dick realized they were reenacting a scene from the lion king. 

A worker along side by them, was what Dicks going to guess is the manager, were frantically trying to tell Jason that he couldn’t do what he was doing. 

Then everything got worse.

“I demand to talk to your manager!”  
Oh no. Oh no! Dick knows that young yet scarily demanding voice: Damian.

“I’m sorry kid but the manager is busy.” Dick turned around just in time to see the waiter answer Damian.

Damian did not agree with the answer and glared at the worker. “Your vegetarians options are worthless. You suspect me to always eat a salad? McDonalds has more vegetarian options than you, it’s pathetic!”

The worker wore a look of astonishment and that’s when Dick decided to swoop in and save the waiter from having to answer.

“Sorry.” Dick waves at the waiter, looming behind Damian small figure. “Kids right?” He picks up Damian and drags the kid back to the table. Tim and Stephanie are now recreating a scene from the titanic. Dick remembers it as the one where Jack holds Rose from falling off the bow of the ship as she gracefully leaned forward...except Steph is Jack and Tim is Rose, and if Steph let’s go of Tim he will be face planting onto the ground. 

Dick ignores them in favor for focusing on Bruce. There Bruce sits coffee in hand, scrolling through social media on his phone, being completely oblivious to everything that’s going on. Dick cant blame the man, he really wish he could oblivious to this all as well.

Alas he can’t because if he is, things will just go further down hill. He sets Damian down at the booth and gives him the dad-but-not-dad glare(tm). Damian huffs and mumbles about disrespect towards vegetarians.   
Dick sighs and decides to just drop the subject.

He looks over at Steph and Tim and mentally dies. Why can’t his siblings be more like Duke who is sitting peacefully in the booth? “Steph, Tim please sit down.” Dick didn’t think they’d listen but they did.

Well, Steph did sorta just let go of Tim which caused him to fall forward and off the booth. Dick was quick to catch his brother and help him get situated at the table. Everyone was finally situated. They could finally eat.

“Sorry, sir we’re going to have to ask you to leave.”

Until they couldn’t.

**Author's Note:**

> I’m so sad that past me didn’t put more Duke into the story :(  
> Then again past me didn’t really know who Duke was when I wrote this BUT STILL THE PAIN I WENT THROUGH SEEING DUKE BEING MENTIONED IN ONLY TWO SENTENCES I-


End file.
